Following your intuition can be a tricky game, at times you are a full on YES YES YES and in flow and in the know. Each turns feels magical and easy and as though you are walking on clouds. Then you take a turn and follow through and it doesn’t make sense to you.
You start questioning yourself, and doubting the internal push within.
I often find myself in doubt of my intuition when I am not feeling happy and joyful, as if my intuition should lead me to a place of constant happiness. Yet time and time again, I am always supported with what I need and sometimes it’s time to take the space and stay with my emotions and check into my needs.
When I landed in Maui I felt so at peace. I was greeting by my beautiful friend Lindsay who made me feel instantly at home and connected to the Spirit of Maui. We had vibrant and bright conversations that connected my heart to my soul and aligned me to feeling this incredible ease.
When my family arrived, it was another amazing shift. It was fun to explore new areas together and deepen our connection. I loved being able to get there a a few days early so I could make their entrance easier. So when I was guided to stay 3 extra days, there was no doubt in my heart. I mean, what other magic was waiting for me to see and could delight my heart in ways beyond belief?
A heavy sorrow and feelings of intense grief.
As I said goodbye to my family and was driving to my AirBnB, I couldn’t help but feeling something was missing inside of me. The weather was changing to boot with flash flood warnings as though it was imitating my mood.
I had this image of an awesome retreat up in the jungle with space for me to nestle in with a ton of food to nourish my body and settle into my new groove, content as can be. Yet when I arrived the emotional turmoil flash flooded over me.
Nestled and freezing in my room up above, I felt lost and in a massive amount of doubt that this could be possibly guided for me. Why after spending 2 weeks in bliss must I come crashing down? My heart felt heavy and I was regretting my choice not to leave with the rest of the family.
I snuggled up in bed nursing my cold, watching netflix and craving a warm cuppa tea. (The stove in the kitchen was out of propane, so feeling even more like the comfort was stripped away from me). After reaching out to a friend to request support, I found myself with an early bedtime with the rain and thunder pounding in my heart. Though this house was beautiful, it felt oddly cold and not quite as open as was advertised and as I’d hoped. I’m in a paradise jungle in the quaint area of Haiku, and on a massive 2 acre property that is beautiful too. Yet there’s a part of me that feels that this is so far home, from where I want to be. The part of me that dreamt of escaping on another solo adventure, when I either want to run away and have an urge to see the world, now feels complete.
I want people that I love to be around me. I want to enjoy my journey and experience it with others by my side. It’s become so clear to me now just how important connection and co-creation is.
When I venture off my my own, I want to feel welcome and at home, even if there’s no one around. I want to easily connect with others wherever I go and make deep and meaningful relationships along side. My intention has deepended and changed and I was gifted the opportuinty to see it this way.
Mama Maui has been constantly gifting me the most magnificent days, I think it’s time I start to truly shift how I feel and look at emotions and honour the ebb and flow of each day.
In honour to the beautiful place I chose to end this journey in; I write a Haiku in honour to you,
Presence of Today
My Heart is Open to You