A little reminder for today: It’s time for us to clear our judgement and check into our hearts.
I’m no stranger to the judgement game, I’ve spent a lot of my adult life being mindful to move from gossiping about other people and am still shifting my own comparisons towards others and judging myself.
Once we shift our conversation into our hearts, we can’t help but share from a space of compassion and love. Often it’s when we’re hurting the most that we want to hurt others and don’t quite see how judgement can facilitate this.
I still remember the moment that my marble jar shattered (Brene Brown). I was “confiding” in a friend and dishing out my judgements about one of our mutual friends. Both of us were chiming in about this person under the err of “concern”. We said our peace, parted ways and I went back to my day.
It was probably a few weeks after this conversation happened when things started to get really rocky in our friendship. In a moment of hurt and what felt like years of resentment that finally freed within her, I received an unexpected email that bitch slapped me so hard it took my breath away. I was being called out, in every form imaginable and on top of it, it included allll the things that both of them had discussed about me.
I felt blindsided and hurt that this person I confided in and talked to about my “thoughts and feelings” had told my friend what I had said, AND not only that, I found out the two of them had been talking about me the whole time too.
It felt like someone had stabbed me in the chest and that my world was crashing down. The nice girl scheme I had going on was bust, so on top of losing what I thought were two really good friends, my ego was nicely bruised and I felt sick to my stomach that not only had someone found out what I said behind closed doors but that I actually hurt someone I loved.
I had disguised the fact that I was gossiping because I masked it in concern for the other person, when in reality I was dishing out things that I never wanted to be heard, repeated or said. It was a great opportunity for me to see how I actually connected with other females, and thought that this cattiness made me relatable.
I thought if I made it about others, then people wouldn’t see the real me, yet at the end of the day, I was always being seen and not only that, I felt mean.
I was grateful that this opportunity came in my early 20’s because I was able to deal with my side of the tracks and change how I showed up. I have hurt people in my life, through my actions, my words and my misaligned and misdirected power/intentions. I have to take responsibility and even though those friendships have never recovered, I was able to make a living amends and shift how I show up in the world and to others.
This judgement and gossip had only created more pain in the lives of those I loved and didn’t help anyone with anything. All of us try the best we can with what we have, so to find out someone you trusted feels like you’re failing at life AND has been spreading that message around town, is a pretty hard blow to take.
My learning from this was that other people’s actions and lives have nothing to do with me. Even if there’s a situation that I am involved with, I still look at my own triggers and pain that came up from their actions and dealing with it, rather than gossiping about them to others. Once I have dealt with my side of the tracks, if there’s space, I ask for things to be approached differently next time.
I often see this behaviour happen in the plane, watching others like my own behavioural study. How different people reacted under the same circumstances, and how cruel others can be when they project their own thoughts and feelings onto others and how they can take a non personal thing personally. I have often witnessed people judging others for how they’re choosing to live their lives, as if it has anything to do with them. If you follow their judgement down to the root, you will see that it stems from a belief system about either how they view themselves or how don’t want to be seen (with many more possibilities inbetween).
For me, it’s plain and simple, it’s not up to me to judge your life. We all have a story, we’re all trying to evolve and change and grow. We all have moments where we fail and we all have moments of triumph and celebration. Everyone I have met has their own pain; they come backed with their own life story and if you took the time to connect with them, you might learn something and see them differently.
The more I get to know people, the more my compassionate heart expands. I have seen so many people turn their pain into Divine Power and amplify change not only within themselves but within others. Humans are incredible and we need to get to know one another on a personal level.
So next time you find yourself and someone else in the judgement game of: “Can you believe they did that? Who do they think they are.” “OMG Look at what they’re eating! They’re disgusting!” “Can you believe they went out of the house looking like that” or even the subtle ways: “All the changes their making are never going to stick” “They’ve changed so much, I’m concerned about them.” “They’re so lucky, life is so easy for them.”
Give yourself permission to turn and walk away, or say something that will dispel the chain of gossip that will stop it right there in its place.
I often come back to my tried and true Serenity Prayer and thanking the Angels and Guides for showing me the truth underneath my judgements so I can transform them internally.
Thank you for the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Thank you for the patience with the changes that take time, an appreciation for all that I have, tolerance and compassion for those with different struggles and the strength to get up and try again,
One day at a time. “
“Thank you angels for supporting me to free myself from the need to gossip about others and let go of any and all judgements that I have placed upon them. Thank you for reconnecting me to my heart so I can realign to my most vibrant self as I fall deeper in love with me. Thank you for increasing my capacity for divine compassion and love to the highest level of vibrancy that is best for me. Thank you for showing me the beauty in other, see their value ask I ask to see my own. Thank you for helping me let go, forgive and move forward with ease, love and speed as I move into this next level of my being. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.”
P.S. The angels requested I add this in: If you are currently in a situation and are looking for support from a friend, you can say “This is what’s going on with ______ and myself, this is what I am having a hard time with. What are your thoughts?”
This way you are not ignoring the situation or making the other person wrong for their part within it. You are empowering yourself to reflect on what YOU need and make any necessary changes from there.