I feel as though I have been tested in the past few weeks by my greatest BFF in the entire galaxy of galaxies; the Universe.
As someone who has a long term history of people pleasing and chameleonizing myself in order to stay safe and not ruffle any feathers, it’s been an awesome journey for me of stepping into a place of embodying the art of not giving a fuck about what other people think…..and I think it’s safe to say I have had some rocking success in these circumstances as of late.
Last night was a very interesting example of this for me. I was sitting with an amazing group of women. We were having great conversation, giving one another our full attention and listening with our hearts.
I genuinely felt heard, seen and worthy as fuck. We were an intimate group of badass babes and for the first time in a long time I felt like I wasn’t the kid sitting at the grownups table, I was one of them.
During one of our lighter conversations about the ageing process and wrinkles. I confessed very proudly that I love my laugh lines. The last photo shoot I had done, I even asked my photographer to go back and re-edit my shots to bring them back in. I didn’t want to be airbrushed to perfection. I already love how I look.
After saying this, I was met with a very unexpected opinion disregarding how I felt because I haven’t gone through the ageing process and I wasn’t in my later years. True – I don’t have any idea what it’s like to age further than what I have. Though, I was being told that what I felt was invalid and I was wrong because I am not standing in this woman’s shoes or the shoes of other women transitioning into these years. Now that being said, I had no hidden agenda with what I was saying. I wasn’t expressing that I felt other women should age naturally, or just accept themselves as is. There was no passive aggressive tone in which I said, “I love my laugh lines”. It wasn’t said to undercut anyone on their journey (because in truth, it’s none of my business what they do anyways). I simply stated, “I love my wrinkles!”
I felt I wanted to explain why I loved wrinkles so much. I chose not to continue our dialogue because frankly, I am not out to change anyone else mind on beauty standards, how to see themselves and what choices they should make in their lives. I just wanted to express the beauty I see in wrinkles and the faces of mature women and I also know that beauty is subjective to the eye of the beholder.
For what it’s worth, here are my two cents.
My Gramma was one of the most beautiful women in the whole world to me. Anytime we would pop by, she always seemed delighted to see us. During the holidays we would have big family dinners and she would always sit in the corner watching all of us joke around, laughing, eating and celebrating. More than anything, she wanted her family to come together in joyous celebrations and you could tell it made her happy beyond belief. While she would sit and watch us, I would watch her in admiration. She always looked so content. Her face was full of gorgeous wrinkles and laugh lines that told the story of her life.Her eyes would twinkle brighter than the stars as she sat there soaking up the moment of all of us being together. When she laughed, her whole body laughed and she exuded this joy that I couldn’t help but fall in love with.
Inner and outer; she was the epitome of beauty to me and I loved her for it.
Now that being said, did I ever think to ask my Gramma how she felt about her skin changing and how the ageing process was for her? No. In her reality I don’t know what it was like for her, though that doesn’t change the fact that I viewed her as a being of perfection and was always taken aback by her nature and essence.
Wrinkles to me are a badge of honour. They are an addition to my own body’s stories of stretch marks, scars, burn marks, beauty marks, acne scars, cellulite and other markings (that half the time I don’t even know how I got). They honour the dedication to my own evolution in becoming the best version of myself and the years I have invested in honouring my past all the while letting it go at the same time.
They are beautiful. They speak of wisdom. They speak of learning. They speak of a well lived life.
So the biq question; Will I feel this way in 20 years time?
Who the hell knows!
Though for today, I love them and today is truly what matters the most to me right now.
Thank you to my Gorgeous Gramma for all you taught me and Thank you to my ***HP for showing me how much I have grown even in the past few weeks.
Thank you to all the support teams I have in my life and love me and accept me for me.
For all this and more – I thank you, I thank you, I thank you.
***HP stands for Higher Power, cuz I roll like that.